“It is good.” God said this about a lot of things He created. Sometimes I’m not so sure He said it about me.
I got this tattoo a couple of weeks ago and already its purpose is killing me…it has been hard to look at.
I read the most beautiful quote today by Lysa Terkeurst. “We are imperfect because we are unfinished.”
Yes. How do I not see this? How do I forget this? But allow me to back up…allow me to tell you why I got the tattoo in the first place.
It simply says, “It is good.”
I have been going to a counselor for over 15 years now to cope with my depression. Right out of the gate she pointed out that I see life as all good or all bad. I see people as all good or all bad. I see myself as all good or all bad.
This hit me at the time and gave me some clarity – but it is amazing how quickly things cloud up again.
However, I remember as a kid that I would punish myself. If I got in trouble for something, I very clearly remember telling myself that I have been very bad and now I’m not allowed to talk for the rest of the day or evening. I would internally punish myself and berate myself.
I think as an adult I have failed to see that I have continued this. I have very little compassion and grace for myself and demand perfection. I’m devastated when the smallest of flaws is exposed.
“It is good.” Are you sure, God?
Through my devotionals I planned on getting a tattoo in April that said “Beloved” or “Loved One” because I wanted to be reminded that that is who I am to God…that is His name for me.
Then a global pandemic happened and my tattoo appointment got cancelled.
Three weeks ago Ted and I had a counselling session together as we definitely have some obstacles to overcome. In this session, she reminded me of my thinking – all is bad or all is good. She said that I am good, and not all bad.
I asked if that was bad to say or arrogant, or ungodly. She quickly corrected that thinking and insisted I have good in me. She reminded me of when God made everything in Genesis 1 and whenever He completed something ‘He saw that it was good.’
How hard it is for me to think that, after He made me, He smiled and said “It is good.” I’d like to argue against His case and I feel I have ample evidence.
I have long listened to the voice reiterating that I am a mistake. I am bad. That soundtrack has been on repeat for 41 years now so I decided to make a change.
Two weeks ago I got the words “It is good.” tattooed on my collarbone right where I can see it every day…and in those 2 weeks I have regretted it more than once but not because I think the tattoo is ugly…but because I think I am ugly.
Particularly on the inside.
I have a hard time seeing it imprinted
on my skin .
“It is good.”
I feel I am not worthy.
I am not good.
I think it is because I am looking for perfection and as Lysa Terkeurst says “We are imperfect because we are unfinished.”
I like to think that I’m a pretty good baker and I would never listen to Ted or the kids if they came to my mixing bowl that so far, only contained eggs butter and sugar…and they stick their finger in it, lick and say ‘Ew, these cookies taste terrible.”
It would be completely insane to turn off the mixer, quit and say ‘You’re right. These are terrible cookies.”
I would swat their hands away and tell them to just wait…that I’m not finished yet…wait till they’re done. And later they would probably laugh that they were trying to judge the cookies that only had 3 ingredients so far.
I think I walk into God’s kitchen and dip my finger into a creation that is supposed to be me.
I lick my finger but I can really taste the selfishness strongly, and the flavour of anger is really potent, and there are quite a few chunks of jealousy.
And I look at God and say “Ew! This creation is terrible! It is not good.”
And that’s when God swats my hands away and tells me to wait…that He’s not finished yet…wait till he is completely done.
Cookies aren’t bad or wrong when they are only in the creating stages…they are a work in progress and it would be crazy to throw out the incomplete batter.
I, Nancy, (or substitute your name here), am not bad or wrong when I am in the creating stages…I am a work in progress and it would be crazy to throw out an incomplete creation before seeing the final product.
Be patient. Pull up a counter stool and watch God work.
Let him swat your hand away.
Let him remind you to wait.
You are a beautiful work in progress.
And it is good.